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TROUTmasters: Episode 2
South Australia Arid desert for the most part, the state of South Australia could be considered nearly empty. Here and there, isolated communities exist: the wineries of the Barossa Valley and Maralinga being the largest communities, save for the capitol of Adelaide. Also located here is the Woomera Restricted Area, used since the early 1950's for rocket and weapons testing, army exercises and training. The area is restricted from non-military personnel. And so the call has gone out across worlds. Life exists on Nebulos and it has changed the balance of power forever! Blueshift has been inspired by these rumours of 'Headmasters' and so here he is, inspired, standing amidst the wreckage of an orphanage, a hacksaw in his hands. He starts to saw the blade against his neck, looking down at the crying homeless orphans. "Yessssss!" he hisses. "Soon one of you will be my HEAD! And no-one can save you now!" Durango shifts down into SUV mode. Subaru Outback has been inspired by wallabyes to drive around Australia. Not that it takes much inspiration. Durango loves driving around Australia. In fact, it's pretty much all he's been doing for the past two months, having requested a temporary reassignment back home. As it happens, today he's driving southward from his Wallaby Ranch out past the black stump, when he begins hearing some strange things over the local radio. Blueshift, an orphanage, a hacksaw, and a partially severed head. Durango momentarily ponders letting Blueshift be the author of his own demise..but what fun would that be? Besides, the idiot might start trying to shove children down his neck. Oofda. Autobot, roll out.. "Yessss!" shouts Blueshift as he attempts to shove an orphan down his neck. Beside him lay a pile of dead Wallabies with toilet rolls taped to them, victims of his earlier 'Targetmaster' experiments. And we don't talk about the Breastmaster ones.... Subaru Outback speeds* along the Australian roadways, and soon appears over a gentle crest, within sight of the carnage that lay at Blueshift's feet. Durango transforms, and runs towards the area in true Autobot fashion. Stopping within range of the debris, he stands, and looks...from the pile of dead Wallabies, to the poor child now half-submerged in Blueshift, to the....*shudder*...and back to Blueshift. "Blueshift!" Durango cries, just to make sure that Blueshift knew who he was talking to, and didn't think he was addressing, you know, some other crazy headless transformer in the area. "Put that ohphan down!" * = A whopping 85 MPH. Durango shifts into his robot mode. "OUTBACK!" Blueshift snarls, shaking a fist (the same fist with the orphan in). "You won't stop me this time! I will become faster, stronger, more alive! I will evolve to a higher state of being like Rumble did that one time. And you will die!" He picks up a dead wallaby and throws it at Durango's face. It is a sharp wallaby. Combat: Blueshift strikes Durango with his Piercing Strike attack! -1 Durango emits a heroic "aaagh!" as wallabyejuice covers his optics. As he stumbles about trying to wipe guts out of his line of sight, while with the other arm he fires a shot in Blueshift's general direction, which, what with orphans in fists and all, probably isn't all that heroic. So he's back to medium. Combat: Durango strikes Blueshift with his Canberra Cannon attack! -4 "Argh!" shouts Blueshift as he is shot by the mean Australian. "I hate you and I hate Austria!" he yells as the throws the orphan away, transforming into his spaceship mode and flying at Durango, his wingblades glinting with deadly poison. "Think fast AutoJERK!" Blueshift leaps into the air, flipping into the form of a small spacecraft Combat: Blue Spaceship strikes Durango with his Wing Slice attack! Combat: Durango sets his defense level to Guarded. Durango takes one to the soul, falling backwards as Blueshift's wing strikes true. "Ohhh no...now yeh wrecked the paintjob!" Durango pauses for a moment, while he looks at his bodywork..muddied, scarred and torn, and remembers that he doesn't care about his paintjob. As he watches the spaceship speed around, he reaches into his subspace for one of his handy Boomissles. Durango raises just enough to chuck the missile, now in boomerang form, at the blue wonder, and then hits the ground, to try and make himself less of a target for another swipe. Combat: Durango misses Blue Spaceship with his Boomstick attack! Blueshift rises into the air, circling Durango, a little pistol moving from his underside to open fire at him. "The best thing you country ever did was Rolf's Cartoon Club!" he cries out. Pew pew pew Combat: Blueshift hits Durango with his Pew Pew Pew attack. Combat: Durango sets his defense level to Neutral. Durango takes the pew pew pewing like a man, and jumps (unsteadily) back to his feet after the strafing is over. "Ah 'ave no ideah what yeh jus' said!" Oh ho, how the tables have turned! "Yeh sound like yeh've gone an' lost yeh 'ead... now, yeh can kiss yeh aft goodbye!" Durango raises both arms, as delicious, delicious plasma spews forth! Combat: Durango strikes Blue Spaceship with his Canberra Cannon attack! "Noooo!" cries Blueshift as Durango hits him. "I have not lost my head... not YET! Soon I will though, SOON!" The blast shakes him, and the ship falls slightly, heading directly for Durango. "Now Outback, cushion my fall! Bwahahaha!" Combat: Blue Spaceship strikes Durango with his Full-Body Strike attack! -3 Durango knew standing up would be the wrong answer, and pays dearly for his hubris, as he gets an entire spaceship all up in his grill. Durango grabs another boomissle from subspace, and as the spaceship impacts, makes a bid to jam the business end of the boomerang deep into Blueshift's armor, even as he desperately tries to flip the switch to start a certain enjoyable chemical reaction. Boom-de-ya-da boom-de-ya-da. Combat: Durango misses Blue Spaceship with his Boomerouch attack! Blueshift is mean and nasty and has a laser on his wing. Pew pew pew! goes the laser. "Pew pew pew!" shouts Blueshift as he shoots Durango. "Beware Durango, I am Galvatron's RIGHT HAND MAN and soon I shall be his LEFT HAND MAN TOO!" Combat: Blue Spaceship misses Durango with his Disruptor attack! Durango manages to dive out of the way of something! Figures that he'd get nailed by the GIANT UNAVOIDABLE SPACESHIP, but manage to duck the tiny pew pew pew attack. Things were not going well for him this day. At least he still had his razor-sharp wit! "Oh realleh? 'ow long until yeh 'is back-door man?" Yeah, that's it, Shakespeare. That's it. Satisfied with is Wilde-esque banter, Durango goes back to his other forte, shooting at things with plasma. Combat: Durango misses Blue Spaceship with his Canberra Cannon attack! -4 Combat: Durango sets his defense level to Protected. Combat: Durango misses Blue Spaceship with his Disruptor attack! Oh the humanity! Durango is just getting a nice old-fashioned clobbering at the OK Corral, and it does not please him. Not one bit! Time to do something drastic! Durango takes a running dive towards the ruins of the orphanage, and ducks behind the last remaining supporting walls...got to give himself some cover. He fires a few meaningless potshots off at Blueshift along the way. "Ha ha ha!" shouts Blueshift as Durango misses him. "Ha ha ha haaaa!" The sleek blue spaceship dives down at Durango and partially transformers, as Blueshift's arm protrudes from the side and swings at Durango's face Combat: Blue Spaceship misses Durango with his Airpunch (Punch) attack! Durango is defended! Eat wall, Evil Decepticon! Durango takes the extra moments to ready yet another of his special air-delivery Christmas presents..this time, taking extra special care to make sure his trajectories are correct. There's nothing worse than a wasted opportunity! Combat: Durango takes extra time to aim his next attack on Blue Spaceship. Is Blueshift defended? No he is ker-ay-zee! His mean punch fails so he blasts at Durango full-tilt, gunning for the annoying australian. "When I kill you I will sink your country!" he shouts! Combat: Blue Spaceship strikes Durango with his Full-Body Strike attack! -2 Combat: Durango falls to the ground, unconscious. Durango ...falls to the ground. In pieces. As Durango falls, Blueshift transforms and takes out a giant shovel, scooping up the Autobot and throwing him into a river full of ferocious trout. "Ha ha!" he cackles. And now to.... oh!" He turns around to find that during the fight, all the orphans have escaped. Maybe it is his fate to become a... TROUTMASTER! The spaceship flips up into the handsome form of Blueshift BBPOST: Decepticon SUBJECT: OUTBACK TERMINATED AUTHOR: BLUESHIFT Blueshift stands outside an Australian trout farm, a huge shovel in his hands. Beside him is the fallen form of Durango. "Decepticons, rejoyce! I have killed the meddling Minibot Outback! And now to ensure he will stay dead, I will feed him to this swarm of ravenous trouts!" With a splash, Durango is shovelled into a body of water that is full of trout. They curiously nibble at him. ---- BBPOST: Autobot SUBJECT: Gone Fishing AUTHOR: Durango *text only* Hello. This is Durango. I am currently at the bottom of a lake in Australia. Any assistance would be grand. Also, I hate Blueshift. *end text*